Kitty and the black chess piece conspiracy
[Written on the spot for Slyff's bedtime story Aug.14, 2005 (Edited for typos n' stuff)]
Once upon a time, there was a kitty named ...Kitty.
Kitty liked to play with string, paper bags, mice, GPS satellites, squeeky toys. All the sorts of things all kitties like.
One day, Kitty was working on knitting an 8 person tent, when she heard a noise. A BIG noise that sounded like 10 buildings collapsing on a banana.
"That sounded like 10 buildings collapsing on a banana!" exclaimed kitty as she knitted the zipper pull out of steel blue wool.
She put on her thinking mittens and grabbed a flashlight to explore the sunny afternoon >.>
Outside she saw that 10 buildings had collapsed on top of a fairly ripe banana and because of this the buildings then slid into the side of the mountain. Which exposed a secret hanger belonging to a secret organization so secret! that even they didn't know what they were doing.
Slowly she turned on her flashlight and entered the brightly lit room full of computer consoles and broken pipes emitting steam and an ice cream vending machine with chocolate chip mint ice cream sammiches... something that didn't exist to the public.
Kitty was furious.
Upon further exploration, Kitty found an operational console with the extremely difficult password of 1-2-3-4-5.
Luckily, Kitty was a part time code monkey.
After logging on, a holographic chess piece hovered before her eyes... a Black! chess piece.
Looked like the Queen's right side castle.
Kitty tried accessing the toply top secret folders but found all of them were empty.
While trying to access the last folder labelled "string" a bunch of mean looking commando type lizards came in the room. Kitty blinded them with her flashlight and climbed into the ventilation shaft. While she was there she decided to have a spot of tea and contemplate life.
After her tea, she snuck into the section of air vents that led to the director of secretly secret things office... at least the people in there assumed that's what he was but none of them <including the director> were really sure, since everything is so secret.
"I'm not sure how far along we are in our secretly secret project" he began,
"And I can't tell you what I think of our lack of progress."
"Though I will tell you that this is all secretly secret and I have to kill you because I said too much."
The director then proceeded to kill the workers and sent for some new ones. Then the whole scene was repeated...
Finally the director stopped calling in new people and thought outloud about how he wasn't sure how anything was going to get done at that rate. Then he decided he said too much to himself and killed himself with a petrified bubble gum projectile weapon.
Kitty was curious.
All this 'hush hush' business.
Kitty climbed down into the office of dead bodies and stepped over everyone.
She broke her way in to the director's laptop to find that everything was blank.
His address book contained contacts like "Anonymous 1" "Phone: Secret" "Address: Secret" and so on.
Kitty strained her intelligent brain over this for quite a few minutes.
Finally she walked around the building and found a secretly secret door marked;
"Secretly secret door: You don't see this!" and in smaller letters "If you do, you will need to be terminated"
She opened the door and saw a small, little man inside, playing 'Tetris'.
"Oh ho!" he said. "Someone has finally found me."
"Yes." Kitty replied, "I have."
"Who are you?" She asked without waiting for him to speak again.
"My name is Norman." The man said plainly, pushing up his wire framed glasses.
"I have a better question!" Norman said excitedly. "How did you find this office?!"
"Um... the door is in plain sight, Norman. Any fool could've seen it."
"Perhaps... I thought the secretly secret business would've prevented it."
"I guess it didn't in this instance..."
"You're wrong though, when you say 'Any fool could've seen it.'" Norman said slowly.
"I have 2892 employees out there who managed to be fool enough not to see it."
Then he added, "Well, 2854 now that the director killed off so many in their last meeting."
"At least I think he was the director, no one knows really. S'all hush hush, y'know."
"*You* must know what this is about, surely" Kitty urged, her curiosity getting the better of her. <She *is* a cat>
"Oh, I do indeed." Norman said. "I know why this organization was started but I have no idea what anyone else in this building is doing. No one tells each other anything and when they do, they end up killing themselves and each other."
Kitty stood silently staring at Norman who eventually stopped playing Tetris saying "High score" in a pleased tone.
"Are you going to tell me what it's about?" Kitty asked, quickly adding, "And don't think about killing me if you do."
"Oh, I wouldn't," said Norman. "It's all very simple really."
He started to walk around like evyl geniuses often do.
"I started this organization so that I may have as many chocolate chip mint ice cream sammiches as I like."
He motioned his hand to his waste basket which was filled with sticky ice cream sammich wrappers.
Kitty decided this Norman was indeed quite brilliant and wondered why she never thought of inventing an organization for chocolate chip ice cream sammiches... or even fancy geek mints.
Then there was a flash!
When Kitty woke up, she was inside her newly knitted tent next to a cooler full of chocolate chip mint ice cream sammiches and a note from Norman saying his organization has moved while she was unconcious and he left this forwarding address:
c/o [Secret] [Private]
[Can't tell you or I have to kill you]
Kitty shrugged and ate a chocolate chip mint ice cream sammich before stashing the rest and writing her experience down in a journal then burning it.
It was secret afterall..